Archive for 15 February 2003
15 February 2003
REMEMBERING KEVIN TOD SMITH
It’s been a year since Kevin Smith died. I still remember the moment I read the message, then the internet article. I was listening to a CD I had recently burned and I read the article in disbelief. How could it be? I wanted to scream. I wanted to pound something into smithereens. I wanted time to rewind.
Instead I cried. Silent tears broken only by shaky breaths. In the background my music played a jazzy tune. I remember a line that went “I’ll remember you.”
It seemed so harsh and impersonal reading about Kevin’s death. I wouldn’t hear it on the radio or see it on tv. I would only read about it in emails and online articles. Each time I would read of someone else’s grief, I wanted to cry again. And when I watched Lucy Lawless’ tribute to Kevin, I did cry again. When I read Michael Hurst’s tribute, the tears fell once more.
A month after he died, I wrote this:
Not a day shall pass
without a thought of you,
Your memory I hold fast…
I try and smile now
when I remember you,
I know the tears will pass…
But sometimes I falter
in the laughter
And wish you still upon this earth—
To hear you sing once more,
To see you smile again,
Another lifetime’s worth…
Now a year later, the tears have passed. And I don’t think a day has gone without a thought or reminder of him. Does it still hurt? A little, yes.
I still remember how it felt to be in the same room as him, the warmth of his smile, the sweet boyishness about him. I remember the first time he took the stage at the first cabaret and I remember closing my eyes to “In the Ghetto” and thinking the King himself sang through his lips. I remember best the first time we met, how he paused when writing my name, then happily took a picture with his arm around me.
I shall be ever transfixed by him, whether when listening to “Melt into Me” or watching him as Ares. And I am eternally grateful for the friends I made because of him, for the wonderful times I had because of him.
So once again, Kevin, thank you ever so much for gracing us with your talent, your sweetness, and your warmth. I will remember you in smiles and laughter and sometimes with the rain and always with the sunshine. I celebrate the life you had and will forever keep a special place in my heart. I did not know you, but you touched my life with the light of your soul.
