Moonlit Jazz

A’s over the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, 4-0. That new pitcher got the win. 😉

Five months ago today, I was on my way to Arizona. We were going to check things out, see how we liked the area. My mind wandered from our upcoming time in Phoenix to the news of Kevin’s death. Anticipation on one hand, overwhelming grief on the other. And then in my mind I couldn’t help but tie Phoenix and Kevin together.

Phoenix was Kevin’s last convention. I had fleetingly thought of attending that convention, but dismissed it quickly. I now wish I hadn’t. I could have met more of my “Temple” friends and co-horts and I know I would have had a wonderful time seeing Kevin in what turned out to be a rather intimate and comfortable setting. I remember reading the convention reports after Phoenix. I felt envy, sure, but I was also happy that my fellow “priestesses” had such a wonderful time seeing him and meeting each other.

And then I was in Phoenix. Did my feet walk the same path as Kevin’s at any point in my journey? I smiled at that thought. Perhaps this road or that road had once been graced by Kevin’s presence. I think it brought me comfort.

I’ve been thinking about Kevin a lot lately. I don’t know why, really. Maybe it’s the “God of Love” Kevin autographed card that sits on my desk. Or perhaps it’s the Kevin interview in the latest issue of Starlog (#301, I believe). Or maybe it’s chatting with my convention friends after a long time of not chatting.

I miss Kevin’s presence in the world. I’ve let go of “what might of been.” But I still mourn in my way.

Sometimes, a burst of creative energy takes over me and words that beg to be written flood my head. When I finally get in front of the computer or I have my PDA in front of me, the words suddenly stall and sputter. And it’s all lost. Yet the ideas still whirl in my head. That’s what this is now…

… They were all in a jazz club, waiting for HER to get her act together. Kiari languished at the bar, feeling the most haunted. After all, she had been the principal character for so long. She enjoyed some delicious stories, then her life faded into the background. Kiari didn’t mind so much. But now SHE was conjuring up story ideas, giving Kiari hope. So she waited.

“Hey, at least you got some stories,” Eleni (aka Isabel from “One Night with Alec”) said. “I only got one. Although it sounds like SHE’S thinking of more stuff for me.”

“Ha! At least you’ve been read by others,” another Isabel complained. “I mean, when do I get to take on Bret over there?” She gestured at the baseball player hanging out with his friends at the dart board.

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to that one,” yet another dark haired woman winked. “Look, SHE can’t even remember my name!”

Isabel suddenly perked up. “You know, that show on Mark Mulder might have done the trick. I might actually get my story written!”

Everyone cheered.

“So what can we do to help the creative process?”

Lame, eh? LOL! Man, I bet if anyone reads that, they’ll think I have problems. But I think the point I’m trying to make (at least to myself) is that I have lots of stories waiting to be written. So why am I not writing them? Is it because I don’t want to fail? Is it because it’s not going to be easy?

I don’t know. But I think I should try…