how can it be
you’ve gone on
left me behind
nursing this heartache
it hasn’t been long enough
since we said good bye
the tears are still fresh
searing hot in my heart
how can it be
you’ve gone on
left me behind
struggling to find my way
bereft of confidence
not matter what anyone says
darkness shields my hopes
desperation feeds me
how can it be
I can’t go on
stalled in this limbo
knowing I must let go
afraid of the next step
reaching inward instead of out
the strength exists
but where is the key
how can it be
I can’t go on
paused in this moment
grasping for inspiration
the poison is looking back
so how do I push it away
forget as you did
when you left me behind

I write a poem everyday and for some reason I want to talk about this one. 

Many times my poems come together after I’ve read something or heard something about someone.  So although they are personal, the poems might not actually be about me.  Sometimes they’re written in the point of view of someone I might or might not know or someone I read or someone who came up in conversation.  Maybe it’s my way of saying, “Hey, I totally understand.”  I like to think I’m giving voice to their pain or their joy or their listlessness.

And yes, sometimes the poems mean absolutely nothing to me, but something to someone else.  It’s interesting taking an abstract idea and turning it into something that someone else understands and feels.  I feel even just a little gratified that any of my poems touch anyone.

I don’t follow any structure with my poems, but many of my poems have a structure.  Sometimes lines repeat with an idea following (as in the one above), sometimes I try the haikus, and sometimes I even rhyme.  It just all really depends on my mood. 

So, “how can it be.”  I read a lot of folks online and as it can happen, two people I read coupled up for awhile.  It didn’t last and it ended rather harshly.  One went on to find a new love and the other is still nursing the hurt and feeling alone.  Yesterday both of them posted to their respective blogs and the polarity of their posts struck me.  And so “how can it be” came along.

01.01.06
And what to this new day
This new year
A beginning fresh?

Tip the balance to light
Or just an even keel
Let not the darkness ride
Or happiness steal

A moment of laughter please
Maybe tears sometimes too
Adventures that tease
with experiences new

So to this new day
This new year
Simple things of pleasure
to you…

01.02.06
Gray skies
falling rain
blowing wind
the ground
the grass
the leafless trees
soaked
with the constant fall

01.03.06
Just because we’ll never meet
Even for a moment
Nothing stops me from
Slipping into the fantasy
Entranced by the soundless laughter
Never to ring in our ears

And sometimes I can feel you
Close against my skin
Kisses deep and sweet
Longing warm and breathless
Enveloping me and
Shattering my dreams…

01.04.06
Gorgeous man
Ever haunting my nights
Oh, I know this can’t be
Right
Give me just a moment to
Entice your dreams

Every moment of you
Aches
Desire in me
Secret and unbidden…

01.05.06
The night has fallen
Cool and dark
The waxing moon rests
high in the sky
Alone admist the stars
So far from life
A mystery veiled
beyond the mist
Calling with silver shadows
and sweet whispers
Darkness like a comfort
against weary dreams

01.06.06
Into misty darkness
I drive away from home
The morning silence
surrounding me
with its cool touch
I speed through the fog
Finally emerging
into the fringes of dawn
The world comes to view
Slowly and with color
To the east
the sun’s beams
color the clouds
with rosy shades
against the blue
The road twists and turns
leading me to the day
As the earth awakens
to the gentle rise of morning

01.07.06
These days are better spent
in home and heart
When nothing happens
but the slow tick of time

01.08.06
Ah, the puppy life
playing and sleeping
eating and drinking
running after the other dogs
little paws soft on the floor
every feature smaller
each day growing…

01.09.06
Why do I know this will be forever?
I see a future
Living with the constant of you
Like the rise of dawn
In the morning
And the fall of night
Marking the end of each day

Given this chance
Regrets do not
Exist for me
Genuine feelings
Of affection
Run through me for
You

Let me keep this
Evermore
Even through the silent days

01.10.06
Maybe we’ll meet
Again somewhere someday
Run into each other
Knowing we’re not strangers

Maybe I’ll even smile
Unsure of your reaction
Liking the silence nonetheless
Devising my introduction
Even as you laugh
Realizing we met once before

01.11.06
Eventually we will fall
Right onto destiny’s path
If we wait just long enough
Knowing

This will
Happen
One day we’ll have that
Margarita somewhere
Sometime perhaps
On a breezy day
Not too long from now

01.12.06
Night time cool and misty
Full moon bright above the clouds
One moment to soak in
the solitude
One moment to feel
the darkness…

01.13.06
Ball in hand
Eyes on the catcher
The batter doesn’t matter
Just pitch it
over the plate
Deceive him
Make him swing
Freeze him with a curve
Check the signs
Decide the course
set your stance
then let it go

01.14.06
Find a spot on the grass
beneath the gathering clouds
sit and wait for the rain to fall
listen to the wind
through the trees
feel the drops on your face
wash away the darkness
of the soul

01.15.06
Cool sunshine
brightness a reprieve
against the winter
just a hint of coming days…

01.16.06
Sometimes dreams
hold a steady comfort
even in diversity
New adventures await
without fear
without comprehension
Time flows like the wind
stopping to cool
whipping to change
Offering sweetness
beyond definition
Holding darkness at bay
And sometimes the dreams
keep their veil
upon waking
Leading to believe
The trick of reality

01.17.06
The eye of winter
when sunshine beams bright
almost warm
yet so deceiving
As the clouds gather gray
waiting to cry in gloom
Just beyond the horizon
chasing the sun down
to night
The air cools to cold
The stars unseen
And we’re back
to the storm of winter

01.18.06
And suddenly the sky turned
a foreboding gray
as the clouds gathered tight
The air stilled
A single moment of peace
Then the sky erupted
spilling pellets hard and fast
Sheets of hail
Angry and loud
Cutting into the air
Steady and strong
Unrelenting
Giving way finally
The clouds parted
The sun shone warily
And the hard drops melted away

01.19.06
She dreams of a place
where she is herself
but different
Loving and leaving
Scheming and stealing
hearts here and there
seduction at its sweetest
Oh this place
where a sly smile
lands a warm hot moment
devoid of intention
without complication
Breathless whispers
Fingertips light against the skin
Lips promising more than a kiss
Yes this place
Not here or there
Merely parallel…

01.20.06
Sometimes he dreams
of a different place
Neither here nor there
And he follows a stranger
with beckoning eyes
and a sweet smile
She whispers secrets
he can’t quite decipher
He falls into her
wanting to know more
Surrendering to her touch
even as the questions
bubble inside
When the morning light shines
he only remembers the feeling
The promise of her kiss
The linger of her taste
The silk of her voice

01.21.06
I enjoy the times now
when we’re all together
laughing and talking
eating and drinking
seemingly so simple
as time goes on..

01.22.06
Jump from the blue sky
float down with the wind
What thoughts run through the mind
while falling so free?
High above
does the wind sound different
does the ground seem far away
does the sun shine brighter
does the air feel cooler to the skin..

01.23.06
oh what fun it is to tease
he likes the blush upon her cheek
oh so charming, he believes
and ever so decidedly sweet

01.24.06
It’s nothing to say
you haunt my dreams
It’s everything to know
you haven’t a clue
It’s all I can do
to keep this to myself
It’s empty inside
to wander this alone
Just one touch
I’ll blossom with want
You could take me
any way you please
Just a whisper
I’ll do anything
I would take you
to the highest pleasure
Just a promise
I’ll walk away in the end
Or keep you safe
inside my haunted dreams

01.25.06
He never says he loves her
He never utters such a thing
But each kiss is a declaration
straight to her heart
And each touch a promise
from him forever
He thinks she knows
He thinks she will see
from just feeling
his meaning
from hearing
his unspoken words
How could she not know?

He loves her with every fiber
lives only to feel her touch
longs for
the softness of her whispers
and the temptation of her lips
He can’t imagine the days
without her laughter
ringing sweet in his ear

But he feels her drifting
from him and his unspoken heart
She smiles with distance in her eyes
And he wants to cry
his revelation ready to fall
from the tip of his tongue

But he does nothing
just the same each day
Closer to confession
As her heart turns away

01.27.06
She’s drifting away
fighting to keep her heart in place
She knows he cares
without a single word from him
But her soul needs
to hear the mere breath of it

She thinks it’s enough
wrapped in his arms
his heart beating steady
against hers
She thinks she’ll survive
with just his smile
and his touch
She thinks she can keep
the small doubt at bay
Being together
must be enough

But what if she’s just time
he’s passing for now
What if he leaves
with her heart in his hand
She needs to know
She wants to hear
even a hint of his love

But he does nothing
just the same everyday
And inside she cries
as her heart slowly turns away

01.27.06
Stay away from me
don’t touch my dreams
I can’t take it anymore
You haunt me
so relentless
so certain
I will fall beneath your spell
Don’t say a word
stay far back
I don’t want to want you
The way you beckon
with just a look
with just a smile
I quell the flutter in my heart
Cry for me
don’t let the tears fall
I will walk away
without looking back
without a whisper
Then you will know my pain

01.28.06
Once
our lips touched sweet
so soft
a moment complete
Once
our two hearts beat
one note
a miraculous feat
Once
our hands held tight
unbroken
a feeling so right
Once
our eyes saw light
so warm
a reflection bright
And once
our time slipped away
set adrift
such a dreary day
Once
our souls split and sway
separate
without a word to say
except
Once

01.29.06
Heat through the veins
fever on the skin
not even dreams
can relieve the haze

01.30.06
This heart’s memory
lingers over you
all the laughter
clear and sweet
all the sorrow
dim and blurred
This soul’s half
longs for you
all the smiles
funny and warm
all the tears
dry and unfallen
We walked away
agreed to part
And yet you hold
a small piece
of my heart
We turned our paths
to opposite ways
And yet sometimes
I remember
those innocent days
The feeling passes
with a little smile
Lovely memories
left to dreams of past

01.31.06

Take me
Start with a look
the twinkle in your eyes
Smile that sweet slow smile
lure me with that promise
Offer your hand
lead me away
with you alone

Take me
Beneath sunshine warm on the skin
the air light and fresh
the skies blue and bright

Take me
Beneath the glow of moonlight
the air cool and heavy
the skies dark with twinkling stars

Take me with you
skin against skin
lips against lips
tongues tasting sweat
and heat and release

Take me with you
hands on the body
mouths sharing breath
whispers simmering between
each beat of each heart

Come with me
closer until we’re one
deeper inside
until we’ve melted together
higher until each breath
brings the harshest
of pleasures

Come with me
down to a delicious slumber
as we share the same dream
bodies entwined
the air around us
gentle once more